Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

As many of my readers know, I am on a mission of Allah to make my insignificant penis the premier InterWeb destination for anyone interested in understanding how important our second amendment rights are to the preservation of a Christian oligarchy dedicated to the superhuman pursuit of truth, justice, and the American Way.

I recently read that one of the strategies for increasing traffic to your blog — even if it is only about an insignificant penis — is to engage your readers by asking them to respond to questions you pose that are relevant to life on the planet on which you are currently living.

I admit I am unclear on the concept of spatial reality, relevance, and the limitations of space in the William Randolph Hearstian universe of freedom of speechification, but I do know how to draw blog addicts to drink at the trough of my insignificant penis, and this post is an exercise intended to bring me even more readers who desire my insignificant penis to rock their worlds.

Granted, many of my readers do not have insignificant penises. In fact, some have no penises at all, which ruled out posing questions that would not necessarily drive more traffic to what is currently an oddly tumescent URL, so I decided to explore the other focus of my pataphysical effort to celebrate the consequences of having second amendment rights to solve disagreements with a burst of automatic weapons fire.

I avoided the potatophysical approach to keep certain insufferable brits from thinking they could simply waltz in and sit on the faces of my readers without paying royalities. The truth is that most if not all potatophysicians were killed in duels during the premiere of King Ubu in 1896. We are still sweeping up after that unfortunate incident.

I will reserve comment on recent attempts by the unicorn defibrillation army to disrupt communications here at the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, and Laundromat until the zombie spine flu dodadecademic has been brought under control. (more…)