Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

I have not been able to post for the past couple of days because I couldn’t properly execute on the concepts in my head, and I haven’t yet gotten the morphine drip correctly calibrated. The transcripts of the Cheney enhanced interrogation sessions were just too easy, and reporting on the Thrilla on the Hilla between Rock Hard Biraq and Insignificant Teensy Dickie seemed potentially too popular for me.

I expect I will eventually perfect those posts and do the right thing in aiding and abetting in the global effort by intelligent people to bring on the bomb, but today I have to post this quick and dirty piece about Depends Secretary Robert Gates calling the ludicrously inept Guantanamo detention adventure a taint upon our honor and image in response to remarks by insignificant Dick yesterday, as he dared his contractor buddies to bring it on and prove that being a moral American as vocalized by Biraq Osama makes us all less safe to shop and appear more gay as we meander through our desolate malls or engage in other typically idiotic activities, such as voting or going to work.

Let me recap: a day after Back Seat Cheney dared his terrorist employees to bring it on to prove how President Obama’s policies have weakened homeland security and made it less safe to shop than ever before, Depends Secretary Robert Gates called Guantanamo a clear and present taint upon the nation’s imaginary genitals, suggesting a new nickname for insignificant Dick, who we shall henceforth refer to as The Big Taint. His wife and daughter should be considered The Big Taint’s Bimbo Bitch and Officious Offspring, respectively.

Taint, after all, is just another word for perineum, the surface “region in both males and females between the pubic symphysis and the coccyx,” according to Wikipedia, the most important pedia currently available, if you don’t count Wolfram Alpha. It now becomes clear that dialects and accents are probably the prime cause for otherwise intelligent people (of which there are not many in the NOMF™) to rave about the big tent of the Republicunt party. What they really meant to rave about was the big taint of the Republicunt Party. That’s why those people smell like that.

This also clears up one of the dozens of code words that have been used to describe insignificant Dick over the years. Considering that former First Idiot George Bush was incapable of pronouncing his own name correctly on numerous occasions, it now seems likely that his bestowal of Big Time on Cheney was just an misunderestimation of Big Taint.

Mystery solved. Get back to work, assholes. Break’s over.

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