It’s been a few days since I mentioned any additions to the second amendment daily body count, but this morning I read about Richard Carr who apparently went absolutely bat guano in Toledo, Ohio when he missed his daily telephone call from his mum, who happened to be traveling. This led Carr to assume that John Murphy, his next door neighbor, had obviously kidnapped her and probably killed her as well.
I want all the mothers to pay careful attention to a key fact in the sequence of events that led to the expiration of Richard Carr over the holiday weekend. His mother neglected to call him Saturday as she did every night, and when she didn’t call the way she had every day for as long as the 32-year-old Mr. Carr could remember, he called the police.
Mr. Carr told the police that his mother called him every night until Saturday evening. That’s when he heard noises coming from the backyard of the Murphy family. As a result, he made the only rational connection a man who understands the importance of the second amendment can make, which is that the Murphy family had kidnapped and probably killed his parents. I know that’s the kind of conclusion I would have arrived at, assuming my parents lived 20 miles away and had never met my neighbors.
The police, by the way, took Richard Carr’s report early Sunday morning, and officers who talked to Carr concluded that there was no evidence that anything had happened to his parents and there was also no reason to detain Carr, who, by all accounts, was not a terrorist and therefore not subject to arbitrary detainment or enhanced interrogation.
So a couple of hours after the police ignored his suspicions, David Carr did what any red-blooded second amendment supporter would do. He grabbed two handguns and pounded on the front door of his next-door neighbor screaming: “You killed my family. Now I’m going to kill yours.” And then he peppered his prose with white hot projectiles.
Three of the Murphys were hit. John Murphy sustained multiple wounds with at least two holes in his chest. Two granddaughters hid under a bed while the second amendment made its right-wingnut protected presence known in the front of the house.
Carr’s second amendment rant was silenced after he fired at police negotiators who killed him with a bullet through the head.
After the shooting, some neighbors noted that Carr had been acting oddly the previous day — as if he had the zombie flu — and had rambled on about a civil war that had erupted where his parents lived. While the Murphys were taken to the hospital for treatment, the police drove to the home of Carr’s parents, where they found his brother and no evidence of a civil war. The unnamed brother said his parents were visiting Tennessee and doing fine, at least until they hear what happened to Richard.
