Apr 21 2009
Have you hugged your second amendment supporter today?
Now that the annual Columbine memorial spring vacation is over, it is time for all good patriots to refocus on SEO techniques that will bring valuable traffic to this site by inflaming insignificant penises and adding names to the cold stone wall that will one day be erected to memorialize the second amendment daily death count that seems to grow more every day.
Today we begin with Lamar Andrience Lindsey who was left dead on Flake Street in Albemarle, N.C. after two people entered a house and announced their intentions to exert their second amendment rights by opening fire.
In Oklahoma City, a teenager named Morgan Cline who lists his occupation on MySpace as “serial killer” used the second amendment to get rid of his father Richard Allen Cline over the weekend, putting an end to a delightful collection YouTube videos in which the younger Cline impersonated the dead one. Isn’t the Internet wonderful?
The lawyer for Scott E. Schmidt of Appleton, Wisconsin, is trying to have his client declared incompetent to stand trial for using the second amendment to execute the ultimate writ of habeas corpus on his late wife Kelly Schmidt by filling her head with more than a dollar’s worth of ammunition, proving that times are not as tough as they sometimes seem.
In Brownsville, Pennsylvania, Mark Pierce succumbed to someone’s exercise of second amendment rights in the middle of Playford Avenue.
Two-year-old Alexis B. Camp (no relation to Johnny B. Camp) was found dead in Milltown, Indiana of a wound consistent with the exercise of our God-given right to own and bear arms, as well as lock and load and remove the safety when we damn well feel like it.
Another Jesus (this time J. G. Camacho) got in trouble with the second amendment in Rockford, Illinois for shooting an unindentified 9th grade student at the Auburn high school. Jesus is currently being held at the Winnebago County Jail. The name of the 14-year-old victim is being withheld because he was too young to be identified as a shooting victim.
Meanwhile, in South Yarmouth, Massachusetts, Joseph Tomaselli Jr. was found dead near South Middle Beach with what appeared to be a fatal second amendment sanctioned wound.
As Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs continues its commitment to bring the latest and greatest examples of the importance of the second amendment in our contemporary lives, won’t you please consider becoming a contributor to the daily death count. Just think about it: your name here!
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- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)
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