Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

It just gets worse and worse, doesn’t it? It’s as if everything the NOMF™ has worked so hard to stand for over the past half century is getting flushed down the liberal lily-livered portapotty of pramatism, realism, and cooperation.

We can’t have that. This country was built on the burned and blasted corpses of our enemies, and I, for one, am thoroughly convinced that at least some of the survivors must be planning sneak attacks for payback.

Anybody remember 9/11? That’s what happens when people you’ve oppressed and tortured and humiliated to make your garage safe for a Hummer realize what they can do with frequent flyer miles and some cheap box cutters.

But now, the first almost non-white president of the United States is willing to talk to people that until very recently we would have been detaining and interrogating or bombing back into the primordial ooze to help them evolve into good hard-working American Christians like the rest of us. That’s the American Way we teabaggers know and love.

How can we ever hope to regain the world’s respect if we take all the options off the table and sit around chatting and drinking the beverages of our choice? What next? Will our diplomats be firing up spiffs with third world organic farmers?

Chavez was gracious in accepting the abject surrender of American values and the totally international abdication of our sacred second amendment rights to blow the shit out of anything that annoys us, shaking Biraq’s hand for the camera several times before telling journalists this: “I think it was a good moment. I think President Obama is an intelligent man, compared to the previous U.S. president,” apparently dissing Lon Cheney, who was really in charge of the NOMF less than one hundred days ago.

I’m so ashamed I just wet myself laughing.

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