Mar 31 2009
FoxNation.com set to change even less than 9/11
Banking on the fervent belief of its indentured servants that self-stimulation, emulation, and imitation are not really sincere forms of flattery or symptomatic of deep-rooted psychotic dysfunction, Fox News has decided to fight back against the rampaging liberals who have savaged the economic system and national security in the past 45 days, leaving the nation in ruins, by attacking the Huffington Post and trying to level the playing field to talk radio intelligence on the Ted Stevens InterWeb system of tubes to nowhere.
They call this latest exercise in right-wingnut mass debation the FoxNation.com, hoping to counter, I suppose, the Colbert Nation effect. Colbertians are now among the most powerful imaginary voting bloc on the planet, having successfully gotten the name of the impish South Carolina native on objects, processes, and other meaningless constructs around the world and even into space. NASA is scrambling to figure out how to pull a Bush administration decision out of a Comedy Central hat and name their defective module anything but Colbert.
Imagine how covetous Rupert Murdoch and his minions of meaningless mayhem must be of an organized and munchie-distracted legion of angry chimps and other primates who are willing to roll up their feces and fling those balls through their imaginary bars and into the Ethernet to annoy ordinary assholes who really have no concept of what life or death means.
The line-up at what some wags are already calling FoxTurBation is a manic-depressive dream of dysfunction and distraction with such dimbulb dromedaries and ponderous pachyderms as Bill The Bloviator O’Reilly, Sean Mr. Hankey Hannity, Glenn I’m The Bombardier Beck and Greta Nip and Tuck Van Susteren. I can’t wait for guest contributors like Tucker He Been Pwned By Jon Stewart And Lost His Lame-Ass Show Carlson, Oxycondoleeza Bush’s Hightone Bitch Rice and Rush Hindenberg Limbaugh to lend their considerable hefty lack of substance to the mix.
Limbaugh, the fattest and most stupid phuck in the Western hemisphere now that Hubert Humphrey is dead, by the way, earlier today threatened to leave the country and move to Texas after New York proposed taxing him for sucking on the FCC tit and becoming the Bernie Madoff of radio. In a just world, there would be an Elie Weasel hunting down that fat phuck and hanging his ass from a stanchion on the Avenue of the Americas.
FoxTurBation also plans to add social-networking tools to the propaganda mix that will allow brain-dead and blood thirtsy zombies to connect with one another to discuss the best places to hunt down liberals and eat their brains. Called SmackBook and Titter, these services are sure to be a big hit across the NOMPH, assuming the FoxTurBation Web site will provide audio conversion of the contents for its largely illiterate and easily distracted audience.
According to a senior vice president at Fox News Channel whose name is too fitting to phuck with, FoxTurBation should be thought of in simple terms. “It’s kind of like Drudge meets Huffington Post.” I can’t think of a better description myself. Drudgery and huffing is what this nation needs more of. At my age, I appreciate the lack of imagination that Fox is willing to support.
“It’s a chance for us to leverage some of the incredible opinion talent that we have,” said Joel Cheatwood, during the buzzword bingo challenge round, “and really tap into a fan base that I think is more passionate than just about any other fan base in media.” Again, I have to agree with Cheatwood that brain-dead blood-thirsty zombies are among some of the most passionate mobs to incite. Take the previous administration and their rabidly impoverished Republican supporters. Please.
Cheatwood also said that FoxTurBation.com will be “welcoming of people of all sorts of mindsets and beliefs and perspectives.” Of course, they will, just like the rest of Rupert Darth Murdoch’s media empire.
I’ll be there often and brutally, as I was at the al Franqen and Daily Show sites until they banned me, repeatedly. Ideologues are all assholes. Won’t you join me in celebrating how big their assholes are by teaching them where they keep their heads and why it smells like that in there?
