Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

Just when you think the NOMPH™ can’t get any stupider, and we’ve completely run out of disposable idiots, it turns out that like Jay Leno used to say in those Lay’s potato chip commercials, West Virginia can always make more. This is the only state in the NOMPH that makes Texas look like Shangrila or Xanadu or an NPR science camp. At least Texans occasionally acknowledge how stupid they are. West Virginians are still struggling to understand English as their first language.

West Virginia delegate Craig Bliar is pushing to have anyone who needs any kind of financial assistance — not counting corporations, of course, or banks, or lobbyists, or churches, or faith-based profiteers, or non-profit organizations, or Republicrat or Demoblican politicians — be required to submit to random drug testing.

My personal experience with politics and the general architecture of poopadoodle is that there are Bliars, damned Bliars, and poopadoodle. This dude qualifies as all three and has been bestowed with a George Bush Memorial Medal of Honor as Dr. Faustroll’s Certified Shithead for March 26, 2009. He’s not out of the woods yet, of course. Other shitheads can still say stupider things in the next 8 hours. The competition is fierce. There are more shitheads emerging from the woodwork everyday, in every way, suggesting we need to calm down, and relax, deeper and deeper.

I encourage my followers to shower this man with urine and feces and throw cream pies at his family members. It is obvious he is clueless, ugly, and really looking for some kind of grassroots assisted suicide.

It might be a side-effect of pulling on his insignificant penis during budget deliberations that has led him to suggest that those who have been phucked repeatedly by the policies of his party and his close personal friends are out of work because they are stoned. This man does not qualify to be called a retard.

We have to start looking into ways to eradicating these people. Seriously. They have been working very hard to eradicate other people, including you, stupid. That’s right. You’re stupid if you think anything about any of these poopadoodlists is in your interest. Notice that I didn’t say your best interest. They don’t care about you at all.

And you know what? You’re so stupid, I don’t care about you either, although that is a bit disingenuous. If you weren’t so stupid, you’d join a club to assert your right to be even more stupid. That’s what I love about stupidity. It is it’s own reward. Take Today.com. Please.

I think the best defense against stupidity is a concerted offensive action. In the case of Delegate Bliar, let’s break into his house and masturbate on his cufflinks and shoes. I have found that to be particularly effective in the past. Ask Norm Frink.

My counter proposal to the one from this insignificant penis is to have all the douchebags of liberty and collateral neocondi rice and beaner scumbuckets who continue to hotlink bullshit from Rush Blimpbaugh and Newsmax to submit to random drug testing as a condition of continuing to serve the common good. I’m not talking about restricting the freedom of speech of idiots. I just want them to love it a little more.

Let’s face it. The douchebags and scumbuckets that the deluded voters have placed and kept in office during my ludicrous lifetime suggest that drug abusers would be more honorable and effective in doing the right thing, unless, of course, the poopadoodlers have been scamming us all about their sobriety and arguing that we should all just say no while they say Yes! Yes! Yes!

In exchange for not stringing every operative in the former administration up by his or her heels from light stanchions along the interstate highway system from sea to poisoned sea, I suggest that douchebags like Delegate Bliar begin advocating that anyone who files for first time unemployment be given a kilo of Panamanian Red or Afghani Russet or Hugo Chavez Bronze, and that they be supplied with three or four ounces a week as long as they are still out of work. This should mesh well with Obama’s economic package which will pay for munchies.

I’m convinced this plan will reduce the number of violent crimes by angry automatic weapons owners who are out of work and doomed to the bin of economic irrelevance simply because they are stupid and this culture is too moral to round them up and put them to death as the Germans did with the Jews, and we all know how that experiment worked out. Get these people stoned and they won’t give a shit about getting even with the scumbuckets who ravaged the home of the depraved and the land of the brain dead.

Then you only have to worry about me, and I’m here as I have been and ever shall be, weird without end. I’m not going anywhere. Get out of the way. Amen.

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