Jan 29 2009
Giving George W. Bush the boot for Art’s sake
In keeping with the new spirit of hope and change that is sweeping the planet like a huge lemon-scented Swiffer, Iraqis in Tikrit, the misunderestimated hometown of deceased former U.S. ally Saddam Hussein, have unveiled a monument to the footloose legacy of deposed First Idiot Goober “Mission Accomplished” Bush that they propose to adorn the entry to the George W. Bush Special Education Presidential Library currently slated for construction at Southern Methodist University (SMU).
Tikritians flocked to the municipal wastewater treatment facility yesterday to witness the unveiling of an enormous bust of the former Decider in Chief with a copper cowboy boot the size of a Shetland pony bouncing off the left temple of a grinning face that looks more than ever like Alfred E. Newman. Bush recently vowed to leave leaves childish things behind and settle into the oxymoronic role of elder statesman from Texas.
The sculpture was commissioned by al Franqen, a previously unknown humanitarian terrorist organization that claims on its Web site to be committed to “peace, love, and understanding.”
Laith “Art” al-Calamari (the sculptor who produced the work) calls it “an attempt to reconcile the gap between the atrocities of he whose name shall not be uttered on this planet henceforth and the lasting bond between the Iraqinese and the Oceanians which, like lasting peace, surpasseth understanding.”
According to al-Calamari, he got the idea for the sculpture while watching You Tube videos of the former president clearing brush on the Crawford ranch where he spent much of his grueling vacation schedule between 2000 and 2008.
“He wore such nice boots,” al-Calamari smiled, “Someone has very good taste. His wife, perhaps? He wore almost always Tony Lama or Old Gringo, nothing from Footlocker or Tom McCann. This boot,” he said, gesturing at the statue that is nearly 50 feet tall without the pedestal, “was inspired by the pair he wore during the historic Katrina vacation, a lizard skin wingtip with grey elephant toe caps and smooth ostrich trim piped with endangered Peruvian python.”
Small plastic replicas of the Bush Boot Trophy Tribute are available on the al Franqen Web site for $19.99, plus shipping and handling. You can buy them throughout Iraq from street vendors for cigarettes, pop tarts, and Halliburton gift cards. Although unconfirmed, a spokesterrorist for the group says ads promoting mail order purchases are slated to run in Parade, Reader’s Digest, and USA Today beginning the first week of April.
Our usually unreliable sources also suggest that al Franqen has offered to airlift the statue to the U.S. free of charge in time for the opening of Bush’s presidential library in 2011. Although some right wingnuts are scoffing at the report, calling it “an insult to the sacred memory of the greatest living God-given leader the United States ever had between September 12 and September 15, 2001,” I am recommending that President Biraq Hussein Osama take up the offer to help defray the estimated 250 billion dollar price tag of building a library for a man who never even finished My Pet Goat and reportedly reads even less than Sarah Palin.
And how about we forget about building at the SMU site, which is embroiled in a land-use dispute involving executive orders skirting environmental regulations that President Biraq recently put on hold. I’m sure Cindy Sheehan would be willing to contribute her property in Crawford, Texas, to house a couple of FEMA trailers, four or five portapotties, and the Iraqi western boot sculpture as a fitting tribute to the accomplishments of the 43rd president of the NOMPH™.
As my old buddy W. S. Burroughs used to say: “Wouldn’t you?”
