Jan 08 2009
Lon Cheney and Bimbo Palin refuse to go away
I suspect that Vice President in Hiding Lon Cheney never had a pacemaker installed. It is far more likely that whoever owns and operates the NOMPH™ built the pathetic automaton around the shriveled remains of the atrophied muscle that is the most positive attribute of Wyoming’s favorite Mr. Grimace.
I found it white of him to suggest that Goober W. Bush does not need to apologize to the American people for the current economic crisis because not even Bill Clinton could have predicted that the meager surplus he left when he exited the White House in disgrace for mocking family values by leaving jism stains on the Oval Office rug could have predicted the harm the terrorist attacks of 9/11 would have on American ability to pay to defend itself against the slings and arrows of expected retaliation for more than a hundred years of outrageous behavior.
“It’s nice to think the boss has a crystal ball that can predict the future,” Cheney frowned, “but Democrats were in charge of Congress when the economy went into the toilet. You think the liberal media has mentioned that? Not on your life.”
“You have to make trade-offs in the real world,” Cheney shouted with a smirky smile, “and this administration put the protection and safety of American interests above policing the feel-good promise of financial stability for people who were living beyond their means, and to think that this president, a War President, The Decider, a man I admire for his courage and fortitude and willingness to recognize that everyone needs to relax and clear brush every now and then…to suggest that this great American hero somehow fails to measure up to Jimmy Carter or Herbert Hoover is simply un-American and should be punishable by law, if it is not already under the Patriot Act.”
Cheney objected to a question by Yossarian Universal News Service reporter Neal Downer that suggested the performance of the administration to the recent economic collapse amounted to “shoving a butt plug up the rectum of an Ebola patient” by shooting Downer in the face while saying “nobody anywhere was smart enough to figure it out. Not even you.”
Cheney argued that Bush doesn’t need to apologize because he has taken “bold, aggressive action against the underlying causes of our economic meltdown, which is terrorism and the misguided tax and spend policies of the liberal Democrats that we inherited from the Clinton administration.”
I assume I don’t need to mention that Joe the Plumber is currently reporting from an Israeli safe house in Tel Aviv about the conflict between overwhelming Israeli force and unarmed Palestinian civilians to give the world an inside view of the mush that appears to occupy the brain pan of “ordinary Joes in Israel.” What a man. He looks like one of those management idiots in Dilbert without suggesting he has half the intelligence.
And then there is Sarah Palin —plain, small, and hoping someday to work her way up to simple — complaining that the liberal media was tougher on her lack of substance than it is on Caroline Kennedy, who is just a rich bitch who lives in Manhattan.
Somehow, Bimbo Palin really believes that she is more intelligent than the average fourth grader in a major city of a state populated primarily by humans, despite the fact that the only thing she has going for her is a good impersonation by SNL alumnus Tina Fey, who is not the sharpest tack in the desk drawer.
“It’s going to be interesting to see how that plays out, you betcha,” Palin told an al Jazeera operative, “and I think that as we watch that we will perhaps be able to prove that there is a class issue here also that was such a factor in the scrutiny of my candidacy versus, say, the scrutiny of what her candidacy may be, you know?”
Palin seems to think that the fact that she is an idiot and her dysfunctional family is so typically NOMPH-representative indicates that people with functioning brains are discriminating against her, instead of simply reporting what they see and hear whenever she crawls out from under her rock.
“Is it political? Is it sexism? Is it reverse discrimination against a soccer mom whitey who is like a pit bull who can kick the lipstick of a pig?” she asked. “What is it that drives someone to believe the worst and perpetuate the worst in terms of gossip and lies?”
Palin denied that she had any personal grudge against Katie Couric or Tina Fey, both of whom she described as little people whose careers were “in the Islamic liberal portapotty until John took me on.”
“I did see that Tina Fey was named entertainer of the year and Katie Couric’s ratings have risen,” Palin told al Jazeera. “And I know that a lot of people are capitalizing on, oh I don’t know, perhaps some exploiting that was done via me, my family, my administration. That’s a little bit perplexing, but it also says a great deal about our society.”
What exactly do you think it says, Sarah? Tell us, please, in words that even Katie Couric can understand.
