Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

There are only 19 more days where the current First Idiot can huddle with his remaining advisors to determine exactly when and where to pardon everyone in his administration and their close personal friends who have already taken the money and ran. After that, the leftovers of the fecal feast is piled on the plate of Biraq Hussein Osama. If that half-breed pretend-black dipshit pardons any of his predecessors simply to be a uniter and not a divider, bringing on the bomb is the only option left.

I assume even the most ardent intellectually challenged neocondi rice and beaner fanboy (a basement dwelling mama’s boy from the old Daily Show board comes to mind, as well as most of the members of the al Franqen and Mick Jagger boards that my terrobots have phucked with) has noticed that the value of whatever meager investment you might have made — 401K, IRA, or individual stock purchased online at a discount Ted Stevens’ Intertube brokerage house on recommendations from Motley Fool — is worth half the original amount stuffed down the market-driven rathole of truth, justice, and the American Way. Dude. You could have played the lottery and done as well, and likely better. I know I have.

Was politeness and the rule of law really the answer in dealing with the death and destruction wrought in your forgettable name during the past eight years? That’s not a rhetorical question, by the way. A rhetorical question would go more like: “Hey, you liberal buttheads! Did eight years of resisting the urge to tear the heads off George W. Bush and everyone within three degrees of his obviously toxic poopadoodle body make your life any better?” I can’t hear you! as Staff Sergeant Jesus Dias, my favorite drill instructor, used to abuse me with his gay Latino accent.

I realize that other more sensitive types might resist the urge to rub your noses in reality and its consequences, but wasn’t it the rule of law that put this incompetent scumbag in the White House to begin with? Doesn’t it make you wonder whether maybe you are being a bit too optimistic about where the country is heading in the future because your vote counts at least every bit as little as it did in 2000? It’s amazing how everyone likes to miss the wake up calls. Believe me, if you got up earlier you might notice what really goes on and help the rest of us scrape off the road kill.

January 20, 2009 is only going to change things in terms of records, which really don’t mean anything:

How many people show up?
How many white people embrace black people on camera?
How many times can you say you’re sorry without having ever to admit you have no love for anything or anyone inside or outside the nation of miserable phucks?

These are the kinds of questions only al Jazeera will be asking, and you can bet your sour, withered bippy that your media won’t be reporting what al Jazeera says.

Happy Gnu Year, everyone. Even you.