Dec 21 2008
When will Cheney have to duck some shoes?
Yeah, I know that he’d probably obliterate the shoes with his shotgun claiming he mistook them for ducks, but don’t you think the Vice President in Hiding has earned a face full of leather uppers for all the great work he has done gutting civil liberties and debasing the rule of law?
If you asked Cheney to tell you what he thinks about shoes, he’d probably recall that old Earl Butz line about blacks only wanting to have some loose shoes, a tight bootie, and a warm place to potty, and end with a comment about Joe Biden not being vice-presidential enough to do the tough things required to keep the world safe from democracy. The best we can hope for, I guess, is for Cheney to shoot himself in the foot. For real.
I’ve been thinking a lot about shoes lately. Would it really be necessary to walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes before throwing them at Dick Cheney? If the shoe fits, do I really need to wear it when all I want to do is throw it at Dick Cheney? What sense is there in putting a shoe on the other foot if it was on the correct foot to begin with?
Reaction to Muntadar al-Zaidi’s frontal footwear foray has been quite interesting as it spreads around the globe. In Malaysia, the prime minister said this about the foot wrapper assault against the most embarrassing leader of the United States since Lyndon B. Johnson, another uninspiring Texan: “That shoe-throwing episode, in my view, is truly the best weapon of mass destruction to the leader who coined the phrase ‘axis of evil’ to denote Iran, Iraq and North Korea.” Snap, crackle, and pop!
In San Luis Obispo protested decisions by the county supervisors to ignore wildlife protections in approving a development project by dumping piles of sneakers, slippers, loafers, pumps, boots, high-heels, sandals, mules, crocs, flats, and weejins outside the administration building as they wait for the other shoe to drop in the ongoing battle between ruth, cactus, and the American Way!
You realize that the owner of the shoe factory in Turkey who manufactured the shoes that made George W. Bush use his head for once is reporting new orders for more than 300,000 pairs of the same shoes used by al-Zaidi in Baghdad last week, including requests for American distribution rights. Ramazan Baydan hopes to brand the thick soled brown shoe the Baydan Bush shoe and sell it for approximately $400 USD a pair, complete with a shoulder mounted Shazam rocket launcher.
The advertising campaign for Mr Baydan’s shoes consists of posters that show Dubya best Alfred E. Newman chimp impression with two Baydan Bushes bouncing off his head. The wording is simple: “Goodbye Bush. Welcome Democracy!”
I have to foot the bill for a couple of pairs to put my best foot forward and follow in the footsteps of the joyous Iraqinese and Turkians who wave their purple-stained fingers footloose and fancy-free as the new world of hope and spare change dawns in the niggardly NOMPH™ where it feels like we have one foot on the dock and another in an untethered canoe.
Still, if I were in your shoes, I would bet my boots against a man with no feet, because I’m no goody two-shoes, and I’m just sitting here in a kayak with both oars in the water, waiting for another shoe to drop.
