Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

Where’s Bill Saluga when we need him? Dead, of course, like John Milton and Jonathan Swift and John the Baptist and all them other Johns that make this pimping world go ’round.

I had a dream last night in which a beagle who looked nothing like Snoopy or Neil Diamond, appeared on camera during an NPR News Hour with Jim Lehrer report about how Demopublican comedian Al Franken had pulled ahead of Republicrat Norm Coleman in the Prairie Home Companion Senate race.

Some paid pundit compared the Franken vision for social progress to the Great Society pie in the sky espoused by former president Lyndon Baines Johnson, and suddenly the beagle started doing that old annoying stand-up routine: “Ahh,” he said, “ya doesn’t has to yank me Johnson! You can yank me Ray, or you can yank me Jay, or you can yank me Johnny or you can yank me Ronny and thank me Sonny, or you can yank me RayJay, or you yank call me RJ… but ya doesn’t hafta yank me Johnson.”

I woke up laughing so hard I almost choked on my tongue, so this becomes the second post on a blog dedicated to the sacred talent of Barry Manilow that suggests a link between a Paul Simon tune and known or alleged terrorists.

If al Franqen wins Minnesota, it is only a matter of time before the erudite extremists who support him attack the Mall of America in Bloomington, piloting radio remote control scale models into Orange Julius stands and strafing ordinary American heroes in the food courts of shopping centers from sea to oil-slicked sea.

If al Ghore had not al Kut and run in 2000 during the original imposition of the rule of martial law by James “Koolaid Jim” Baker, the ordinary citizens of the NOMPH might not have had to endure eight years of the kind of malignant stupidity the world has come to expect from the Bush family blood line. Then again, voters always deserve what they get because that is what they want.

I watched Man of the Year last night, and it wasn’t as good as Wag the Dog or Parallax View, but it had Christopher Walken in it, as well as Lewis Black and Laura Linney, and Robin Williams wasn’t as obnoxious as he usually is, and it makes me think today that maybe electing a comedian to high public office is not so bad, considering the scum suckers and other bottom feeders who have made out like bandits for more years than I want to remember.

So what if it is not a software glitch and the people of Minnesota just decided to go with anyone but Norm Coleman? Does it change anything?

Probably not, but I’m hoping I don’t dream about that crazy beagle again tonight.

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