Dec 15 2008
How about a shoe-flinging farewell for Fubar?
I was listening to NPR’s Talk of the Nation today where a woman called in to say she was tired of hearing about how throwing shoes were an insult in Arab cultures. She mentioned a protestor throwing a shoe at Richard “Mad Dog” Perle in 2005 when he debated Howard “The Duck” Dean about the war in Iraq in Portland, Oregon, the most European city in the world, according to its own PR firm. Apparently fewer women in Portland shave their armpits and legs than do in Paris, France. And many of them ride bicycles and leave the seats on when they park them. And most of the men are faggots.
If I remember correctly, the Perle shoe launcher was identified as Bruce, which only makes sense. Bruce Campbell, the star of such Democratic salvos against the Bush-leaguers as Evil Dead and Army of Darkness, lives in Oregon, and I’m fairly certain he would not mind calling for a clean-up on the Oval Office aisle, if he had the chance.
The defeated and bruised rabid right-wingers of the NOMPH™, many of whom truly consider themselves to be moderates because they do not openly advocate the killing of gays and doctors who perform abortions, are wondering if the inauguration of Biraq Hussein Osama will dissuade the leftists from pointing out what a worthless collection of disposable stem cells current President Goober “Shoe Fly” Bush is and begin a period of South African-inspired truth and reconciliation where toxic waste will suddenly and miraculously be transformed into horse or steer manure capable of being composted and used for some positive purpose.
I hope not. This is an administration of hope and change. Right Biraq?
To suggest that George Walker Bush deserves anything better than apprehension and trial for crimes against humanity indicates a complete lack of cognitive skills. It is also a misunderestimation of the frustration and enmity that has been building against America’s leadership since the late sixties, for both Republicrats and Demoblicans.
This is the first time I remember where the incoming president does not owe a thing to the outgoing president. In fact, I would accuse Biraq Hussein Osama of being an alien, if not a goddamn Muslim, if he did not harbor some resentment against the white honkey mofo Texan idiots who ran the country for the past eight years for the pile of shit he has been handed by the outgoing scumbucket and his bumbling minions of mauve.
To me, that means no pardon for Fubar or any of the people in his administration, including poor Dana Perino, one of the cutest press secretaries who could make big money on PressWhoresSuck.com, unless the First Idiot realizes his predicament and issues blanket pardons for any suspected war criminal, white collar criminal, or human rights violator with a valid ID who is a registered Republican or Independent voter.
If Osama is naive or cynical enough to issue a pardon for Pretzel Boy and Betty Bimbo, this country will implode, and it already has enough problems. Look in the mirror and talk amongst yourselves if you think I am misoverestimating the dismal future we all dream of, fitfully.
I don’t really want to see the bodies of Bush, his family, friends, supporters, and friends in the media hanging from light poles along the interstate highway system from sea to shining sea, although I must admit there is something poetically appealing about such a grisly image, and just, really, when you think about it. It would make such a nice seque in a John Carpenter film, but it may turn off parents whose hormones led them to bless the NOMPH with their little children, who I am not going to give candy to on Halloween without quid pro quo.
On the other hand, I do not think this cesspool of an administration should be able to leave the stage in 36 days and act as if none of this horror had ever happened, with most of it directly attributable to the actions of the people in positions of authority. I’ll save the litany of Fubar failures for New Year’s Eve, but this entire cluster phuck appears to have done a heckuva job, eh?
To let any one of them escape justice will only ensure that another bunch of angry relatives of the millions of people the NOMPH paid taxes to kill over the past 3 or 4 decades will plan new attacks on our malls and Walmarts, particularly on White Friday, and shopping will become less and less safe, dooming us to third-world economic status.
What I propose is flying in a couple of hundred thousand of the survivors of Bush administration authorized airstrikes on known civilian targets and having them line the path between the White House and Marine One when the First Idiotic Family leaves that not so humble abode.
And let us equip these unpaid, non-network-affiliated survivors with booties and sneakers and flip flops and slippers and crocs and shoes that not even Goodwill would be willing to sell, and let them vent their anger at a man and a vision whose life and times made me laugh and sing and oh so happy that I’ll never again consider myself an American, even while under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
This would also make the NPR caller happy by proving that even America is willing to admit it considers throwing shoes an insult when the target has perpetuated all we loathe. This is the first possible win-win situation I can see myself participating in. I have lots of gnarly shoes to contribute to beaning Bush and Laura and the drunken twins.
Come on. Get with the spirit of the season. There’s no reason to hang a confused rich moron when you can shoe horn him into his rightful place in history.
