Dec 07 2008
Why is Bush still free?
I thought by now that the World Court would have tracked him down and rounded him up, but no, he’s still not in custody, continuing to embarrass and annoy people who are not dead-end red-staters or happy-go-lucky idiots.
Although Biraq followed up his defeat of McCain and Blab the Impalin by saying that the country only has one president at a time, it seems like he’s the only person in the NOMPH™ actively engaged in running the country. Hell, for eight years, we haven’t had a president, and Vice President in Hiding Lon Cheney and his minions of darkness didn’t do much beyond pillaging whatever capital they could liberate and burning the Bill of Rights and any other institutional documents their rule of lawyers could find.
With a little over a month until Fubar finally hands in the keys to the White House and turns over Air Force One, Marine One, Lawn Mower One, and the red phone in the Oval Office, this arrogant jerk is still trying to convince himself that he wasn’t the least competent and most immoral leader this country has ever seen.
While the economy is tits up and Afghans with guns recently destroyed at least $10 million in military vehicles in a daring raid involving camels, improvised intestinal gas bombs, and disposable cell phones, Bush spent the weekend attending the Army-Navy game and using his weekly radio address to tell the country that although “the war with Biraq is still not fully accomplished, it’s well on the way to not fooling us again unless we take our eyes of the balls and start to head up field before looking the thing into our hands and fumbling the future away.”
Bush also thinks he may be able to “capture Obama bin Laden before my next term is over,” and he admitted that he still couldn’t pronounce Abu Ghraib. “Apoo Grabass was terrible missed appointment. Now admittedly, I wasn’t there on site most of the time, because of my busy vacation schedule, but I was the decider-in-chief and supreme demander of a military where these disgraceable acts took place that sent the absolutely incorrent wrong image about the good things in America and our military.”
“And I confess to some of you all that the mission to liquidate Biraq has tooken longer than I thought it would, but that’s because so many liberals and Democrats wouldn’t support my mandrake and they still don’t, even after winning the elections. Still, I am pleased to see a multiethnic society, much like our own, begin to emerge in that formerly godforsaken place. I talked to the leaders of Biraq yesterday and today and congratulated them on doing some hard work for a change. And I love to hear their spirit in their voice when they know they done good. It’s just so exciting to see when things are going according to God’s plan, even if it involves, you know, the Islamis, with their warring fractions of Shittites and Sunamis.”
“What we need now,” Bush says, “is a brand new perception of the War on Terror here at home before it’s too late. I understand the need of some illegitimate people to disagree with what’s right, but sooner or later that kind of thinking catches up with you.”
Perhaps no other developmentally disabled leader of the free world has inspired in me a greater sense of loathing the current First Idiot, except maybe for LBJ, another great Texan, who liked to carry his beagles around by their ears and show his scars off for photographers.
On more cheerful note, I’m not aware of any additional cases of Walmart shoppers trampling temporary workers to death since White Friday. Of course, there are still 18 more shopping days until you get to start worrying about how to pay for the presents, and there’s no telling how deep the discounts will go. On your mark…
