Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

Apparently, yesterday’s post struck a nerve. I spent 30 minutes this morning approving comments from my readers, many of them negative, because I haven’t yet figured out how to shut off the moderation feature and let the buffalo chips fall as they may. Fortunately it looks like the my favorite censors over at Google have turned off the spigot to my observations on this site, so I can spend a day or two figuring out how to let all of you pseudosentient lifeforms post your priceless comments here without interference to keep you sorry ass white people protected from ofay criticism inspired by imaginary people like me.

I do have my moments, like a few other citizens of the NOMPH™ where I incite even the moderately rational into citing The New York Daily News as a source of irrefutable evidence that what they most fear is actually correct. Many people don’t like the stupid traditions of white Americans, and that includes many white Americans or those who sort of consider themselves white Americans for lack of a better turd to associate with. Their religious traditions are even more pathetic. I’m sure you’ll agree with me on that, considering the singlemindedness of your misunderestimating of the original post.

Some critics tried to educate me that the use of Black Friday was a good use of the word black because it showed that the NOMPH was capable of using black in a positive way. Some gave me the kind of economic lessons I wish I had had back in the 50s so I would have grown up to be more like them, so I could infiltrate their parties and kill them softly with my song. Or at least have had the choice to add them to the targets that are still on the table, as the current First Idiot might put it when whipping us up to the fervor required to accomplish something I still haven’t fully understood.

Other posters apparently were sharper than most citizens of the NOMPH, understanding that pataphysics is the science of imaginary solutions and that pataphysicians cure imaginary diseases, so they played along with the obvious by praising me for the phool or suggesting I was a little moron than most.

And most were quick to point out that I was wrong about suggesting that white people were involved in the death of Nassau Walmart employee, Jdimytai Damour, because all the cell phone camera photos showed mostly niggers and spics stampeding through the store, although their posts didn’t use that kind of inflammatory language. It wouldn’t be polite during this most wonderful shopping time of the year.

Some took me task for being unable to provide guidance on how to pronounce the name of the 34-year-old Tralfamadorian who died trying to make the world safe for Montana Wildhack. Next, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of you accuse me of insensitivity toward imaginary porn stars and Kurt Vonnegut’s estate.

No one smacked me for the underlying premise of the post, which was that lining up to buy crap or listen to bad music or be the first in your stupid little part of the NOMPH to get the autograph of this or that commercial slave is not a particularly awe-inspiring activity. Some people were just pissed that I expressed my opinion that white people are idiots in a flippant and satirical manner in a case where niggers and spics were mostly involved in white typical white behavior.

Of course, I didn’t read most of the comments. This is a holiday weekend, for Christ’s sake, when I always watch The Outlaw Josie Wales, where Lone Watie (played by another of a long line of great Canadians — Chief Dan George) notes that negroes are simply black white men. I wouldn’t want my opinions jaundiced by an anomaly of a few hundred colored shoppers doing the kinds stupid things white people are famous for. It could make one question the records in the Guinness Book thereof.

I’m surprised and thankful to have stirred up so much defensive Joe the Plumber/Sarah Impalin regular folk outrage and educational evidence that No Child Left Behind is really working to make this country a better place to live and learn.

On a more sober note, this morning I drove to the closest Freddy Kroger to buy cheap gas, and the parking lot was empty. From there, I traveled to a BiMart to purchase some more survivalist gear and ammunition, and they, too, were nearly without shoppers. I’d hate to think that my unresearched, assumptive, foolish, idiotic, and ill-informed pataphysical post from yesterday has turned America’s most important contribution to civilization into another discarded fad that will one day result in the terrorists storming our malls and killing our women and children and other people of indeterminate sex or familial relations.

Thanks to all who were outraged by yesterday. I hope you’ll keep coming back to be outraged in the future. I know I will.

As we used to say during the napalm liberation of Southeast Asia: Merry Crispness to All and To All a Good Fry.