Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

Sure, he’s written some of the worst drivel the airways broadcast between Mandy and Love Is A Many Splenda’d Thing, but hell, he didn’t launch a war in Iraq to avenge slights against his nose, and I don’t remember the First Idiot claiming he was a supporter.

Obviously I refer to Manilow’s canon in the name of this blog. Originally I had used a modified chorus of his song to celebrate the achievements of Multnomah County, Oregon, dimbulb prosecutor Norm Frink, who expended more energy in convicting Tonya Harding in connection with the pseudo-kneecapping of frou-frou princess Nancy Kerrigan than most civilized countries spend attempting to track down environmental terrorists.

Frink, of course, is also easy to mock for his perfect coif and determination to always have his best profile facing the camera. And who can forget his wonderfully succinct description of the fundamental American belief that everyone “is presumed innocent until charged.”

I haven’t yet had to deal with Deformin’ Norman in a court of law, and fortunately I left his sorry ass county nearly twenty years ago, but I did have to deal with some of his inept coworkers before I escaped to another county occupied by corrupt building permit employees, and I never did go to trial despite my strident refusal to give a disposition until I was charged. My argument was simple: “I might be guilty once I’m charged, you ignorant corksoaker, but you got to charge me first, and I’m not going to help you do that. Massage my meat puppet, you closeted judge.”

Yeah, so it was a cruel and bigoted thing to say, but I don’t understand why anyone has to put up with phony horse exhaust from people who assume to have power of you. I’d like to say the judge I dissed offed himself, but he had no honor. He still works for the DA.

But this post is not about judges and prosecutors and business as usual. It’s not about anything except why I chose the name for this blog, which involves Barry Manilow, not his nose, not his politics, not his Vegas review, but a parody I wrote of one of his songs nearly 30 years ago.

I’ve been a lie forever,
And I charged the very first throng.
I put the verdicts and the victims together,
I am justice,
And I right the wrongs.

Just saying that I’m not all Jimmy Carl Black. I’m not even smiling as I type this. Have a nice day. Have a nice night. Justice will come for you.

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