Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs

Spreading the wealth around is anathema to those who have it. They prefer a system in which wealth is hoarded, consolidated, and protected by taking from the serfs and giving to themselves and their friends and family.

As the late, great Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. often pointed out, the rich believe they own gravity through the inalienable right to own property. Property is only possible because of gravity. Gravity is what makes you and me stick to the surface of the property owned by the rich and anonymous.

In the past, we were tithed so we could continue to stick to the surface. Today, we are misdirected into taxing ourselves by those who are most adamant about the need to reduce taxes.

Look at the last eight years of Bush administration actions. Is the Federal government spending less today than when the First Idiot took office? Of course not. And yet, far too many citizens in the NOMF truly believe that the Democrats are going to raise taxes, and they will, of course, because someone is going to have to pay for all the trillions of dollars spent by Bush and his buddies without having any plan to balance the budget.

In fact, the budget is even further in the red than anyone can suspect, because this administration has been conducting illegal wars off the books for seven years and funding them with supplemental appropriations paid for by vague promises against revenue that is purely wishful thinking.

Meanwhile, the liberal media continues to do its job of ignoring the obvious and fiddling about while the country’s economy circles the toilet like the Tidy Bowl survivor.

So the country heads into another meaningless election in which the misguided are encouraged to validate a system of government designed to misinform and misdirect the ignorant proletariat who has just been snookered into scattering their crumbs of wealth to the wealthiest while condemning their children and grandchildren to more of the same.

I’ve never quite understood why the average American idiot feels so threatened whenever someone suggests that the rich should be paying more for the advantages they have by virtue of having no virtue. These idiots have so much nothing, they can only imagine what it would be like to have so much less than someone just like them.

I can hear my mother’s whiny voice: “They think they’re better than us, but they’re not.” And she wasn’t talking about rich people. She was talking about other middle class people who weren’t so into ticky tacky.

And what is this crap about Joe the Plumber? Who has decided that some uncertified tax-delinquent wage-slave who dreams of owning a business he is not currently qualified to purchase is in any way a newsworthy item? Who gave John-Boy McCain and Sarah “Plainly Simpleton” Palin immunity from derision whenever they play the plumber card?

What we have here is not failure to communicate. It is a failure of imagination, a failure of gumption, a failure of all the fail-safe systems the NOMF has put in place to keep the rich safely ensconced behind their wrought-iron gates or in their armored Hummers while the ignorant schmucks who pay the taxes to keep the rich protected in the manner to which they have become accustomed fight over who gets to have the best Halloween costume or Christmas light display.

Wake up, douche bags and douche baguettes of Western civilization. It’s not only turkeys that drown during storms by staring up at the rain with their mouths open saying: “What’s this? What’s this?”

Don’t forget to vote, you nimrods, so you’ll know who the blame for all this damned disorder.